I haven't been on here for a few months.  During that time my youngest son had surgery to have his gallbladder removed at the end of February.  March one of my Aunts passed away.  April was the hardest hit for me, my birthday was April 12 and 10 days later on April 22nd my baby brother was found floating in a lake near his home.  He was all over the News being it is a popular place called Boomer Lake in Stillwater, Ok.  On May 2nd we all said our goodbye to him.  He left behind a wife and a daughter who is 16yrs she is 4 days older than my youngest son.  

We believed he might have had a stroke or a heart attack.  Being strokes run in our family due to high blood pressure.

Well it wasn't that, I received the ME report last Friday June 20th 2 days before his 2 months of being gone.  My baby brother commit suicide.  He was only 43yrs old.  I am so broken right now, I helped raise him and can't tell my mom she has Alzhimers and when we found out he died she got a little worse with her memory.  This will kill her if we told her the cause of death.  My sister would make it all about her so we are not telling her the truth either.  My other brother knows the truth, we see things differently.  My heart is breaking for his wife and daughter, none of us saw the signs.  He talked with my mom's newphew on Monday April 21st to come visit him the next weekend to learn how to ride a motorcycle.  I don't know what I need just right now.  Maybe someone who knows what I am going through at this moment.  I really haven't mourn for him cause I am taking care of everyone else right now.  

Sorry but, cards won't fix what I am feeling right now.  Don't think anything can fix what I am feeling right now.  I am saving to get a memorial tattoo by his birthday which is Sept 5th.  

Maybe, I just need prayers so I can have some peace in my life.  

Thank you for reading this

Sandy